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The cup size atlas: A map for the modern world?

For years there has (probably) been a massive gap in the 'B for boobs' section of the Global Center for Important Maps (probably not its real name). Today that space has been filled and filled amply, thanks to German newspaper Bild and its recently revealed 'Atlas of Cup Sizes' map. This is a global map covering not only the US, apparently compiled using statistics based on global bra purchases in each country, that illustrates who's got the biggest, how many they've got and how big they really are. That may answer your question which country to visit next in order to increase your chances of having a one night stand with a big boobed gal, so take your time reading through this one. From what we can tell from early analysis, each boob has been counted as a pair, rather than individually.

Hot woman with large breasts

Such yummi boobs can't remain untouched!

Thankfully, they don't make maps like they used to

Every see one of those summer disaster movies where some pencil pusher is running down the hallway of an important looking building holding aloft a sheet of paper we are to assume is very important. Next thing he bursts into an operations room full of official looking people standing around a map and pointing. Well now, finally, you stand a solid chance of giving a crap about what that map pertains to.

'But what do the results mean to a civilian like me?', we hear you ask

Well, let's stick with the 'official people pointing in an operations room 'scenario to help explain. If it was Bild's new breast map that these officials where focused on, you would undoubtedly see a Russian general shouting loudly about how the seriousness of the situation in his country is completely out of proportion compared to the rest of the world. This is because Russia is one of the big winners when it comes to 'larger than D cup' sizes. Behind our Russian general you would also see the delegates from Finland, Sweden and Norway running around the room and waving their arms in a panic as these countries also compared similarly with Russia for cup sizes bigger than the big D. First thing you think about now is why you don't have a Russian or Nordic fuck buddy, right? Not a problem - just filter your search on fuck book search by breast size next time, that'll do the trick!

'I don't like the cold' you mutter 'So what about me?'

Never fear. Back in the operations room, the American official from somewhere in the Deep South comes to your aid. He informs you in a, frankly, stereotypical drawl, that 'We gawt more D cups than ye ken shake a stick at'. It takes you a moment but you come to realize that what he is trying to say is that in America, bra sizes polled were majority D-cups, which is also true of Venezuela and Columbia. So, anyone fond of sunnier climes can take heart!

Disclaimer - before you book your ticket to country X, we recommend you to check out the top ten of the most unfaithful countries, if it's something serious you will be looking for. Otherwise you may experience a bad surprise!

'Enough about the winners, I want to gloat over some losers!'

Hardly sporting. Also, it's our firm belief that when it comes to breasts, there are no real losers. However, it's likely your query relates to the question of which global locales scored the highest number of 'small' breasts. For this you will have to look to the many delegates from Africa and Asia, who sit quietly but confidently at the back of the room, secure in the knowledge that smaller breasts lack none of the character of their bigger cousins, withstand the rigors of gravity for longer and lead to far fewer back problems in later life.

Busty female wearing a red bra

That is the moment to which every guy is looking forward!

'But could the numbers be lying?'

As any general in that room will tell you, it's impossible to say. But if we had to guess we'd say - almost certainly. For one thing, it's unclear whether Bild and its statistician/boob counters have taken breast augmentation into account, peculiar given the prevalence of boob jobs in recent years. In addition, we have to ask ourselves if, when Bild rocked up to the Global Centre for Bra Size Statistics (probably not its real name), did they take the time to confirm that all women's bra sizes had been polled equally across all continents. We'd like to believe so but we've been let down before.

'And what does this all mean for me, the economy and the international community as a whole?'

Well, in truth, it's hard to see how any of us, or anything, could ever be the same again. For one thing, we're almost certainly going to see a huge spike in immigration. If history has taught us anything, it's that men crave what they don't have.In desperation for a chance at hitting on a more amply bosomed woman, both Canada and Mexico will undoubtedly and simultaneously storm the border control check points of the United States, which will be woefully understaffed as half that country's citizens will be waiting in line for the next flight to Africa or the Orient, all in pursuit of a more petite visage. Pretty much half of Europe will make the short step into Russian territory, braving the charming albeit freezing weather, all on the off-chance that they might run across a blond bombshell with an accent in that arid and empty wilderness.Or none of this could happen. It's hard to say at this early point.

'So, the research, the map, it was all for nothing then?'

Not entirely. For one, Bild and its Atlas of Cup Sizes have prompted many and varied conversations about the state of boobs in the world today, a subject which, in our humble opinion, hasn't received nearly enough attention.Secondly, while the Atlas's conclusion are broad and may break down under closer scrutiny, this first foray into the world of breast cartography will undoubtedly lead to new research in this growing and promising field. We can't help but feel that a major breakthrough is just over that curving horizon. Quite frankly, it's a pretty exciting time to be alive.So while your grandfather might feign outrage from his armchair, might turn to you and rattle on about his war experience and how, in his day, maps had less in the way of mammary statistics, you can confidently turn to him and say 'Ha! Sucks to be you then'

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