Join now for free!

I am a:
next »
Flirt Magazine:

How to Heal a Broken Heart: Advice for Getting back on Your Feet

Being dumped by someone you love is possibly the worst feeling in the world. It knocks your confidence, leaves a huge absence in your life and sends you reeling, feeling distrustful and afraid. All of these feelings are natural and normal, but they last as long as you let them. Instead of wallowing in your pain, get your life back on course with these simple tips.

couple after break-up
Don't forget, no-one is to blame when love drifts apart.

Don’t Waste Time (and emotional energy) Trying to Get Your Ex Back

Often when breakups happen, the person who has been dumped doesn’t realize how final their ex-partner’s decision was, so they spend time trying to be near them, hoping they come around. But this is almost always a fallacy. People tend to end relationships after long deliberation.

They don’t take people lightly. And they don’t tend to leap back into bed with their ex immediately. So make a clean break, get away and meet other people. You won’t regret it.

Use Your Breakup as a Learning Experience

One of the worst traps people fall into when relationships fall apart is to blame everything on their ex-partner. While this may be psychologically convenient (and sometimes is basically true), it always takes two to tango, as they say. No-one is blameless when lovers drift apart, and there are always lessons to be learned. So look at your actions and words, and learn what went wrong. You’ll be better off in the future if you do.

Rebound if You Like, but Keep Your Feet on the Ground

Breakups are confusing, anxious experiences, and one common response is to dive straight into rebound relationships. There’s nothing wrong with having a few flings to take your mind off from your suffering. Sometimes it’s just what people need.

However, don’t expect casual sex to solve your problems, and don’t count on finding a long-term partner on the rebound. Always give yourself time to reflect, and expect an extended period of grieving. Rebounding might ease that, but it’s up to you to handle it on your own.

Rediscover the Things You Love, and Give Yourself Time to Enjoy Them

The best thing that anyone can do after a traumatic breakup is to occupy themselves with activities that take their mind of their problems. This could be sports, gaming, learning a language, travelling or visiting museums – whatever absorbs your attention and shows you that there’s a world beyond your troubles is simply invaluable.

Get Back in Touch with Old Friends from Before Your last Relationship

This one really helps as well. Most of the time, we’ll have old friends from way back, people who we associate with different times and places, and who have little or nothing to do with the person who just broke our heart. Dig into your contacts book, drop them a line, send an email and pay them a visit. Their reminisces and updates will make you feel much better, believe me.

Don’t Retreat Into Your Shell, Get Out on the Social Scene

When you are grieving for a relationship, having some time alone is necessary, but dangerous. People tend to wallow in their grief. Left alone too long, it can consume them. So, make sure you summon up the courage to go out with friends and attend parties. Relax, have a few drinks, go to gigs, buy some sports tickets – mix your time alone with socializing and you’ll soon start to rediscover your love of life.

lady with a broken heart in her bedroom
Contact your friends, their reminisces and updates will make you feel much better!

Change Your Surroundings to Liberate Yourself from Your Ex

During long relationships, we inevitably acquire lots of possessions that are the product of joint decisions. However, things like clothes, artworks, furniture, mugs, posters and even bedding can all suddenly become horrible reminders of the relationship that has fallen apart.

You’ll be surprised by how much better it can feel to buy new curtains or new bedclothes. Even small environmental changes can give the impression of a new beginning, and that’s just what you need.

Be Realistic About Your Ability to Cope

Everyone likes to think they are emotionally strong, but nobody is invincible. Even the most resolute among us are susceptible to breaking down in tears or feeling a sense of hopelessness, and that includes you. So don’t tell yourself everything’s fine when it isn’t.

Don’t create a shell of false strength. Reach out to people who love you and share your pain. It’s human to resist this, but it’s even more human to want to ease your friend’s grief, so don’t be afraid.

Time Really is the Healer of all Wounds

Look around you. The world is full of people who have gone through horrible breakups. Many of their experiences make your situation look like a picnic. Some have been terribly betrayed, some more than once. But they are still here, trying to make their lives work, and trying to find people who love them.

That’s because the cliché is true. Time does heal all wounds. Give it a chance to work its magic, and don’t expect immediate results. In time you’ll look back and be glad you kept your head.

Don’t fall victim to hate, but don’t let your ex off the hook either

You’ll also be glad that you kept your self respect. When people break up, it’s natural to feel anger. Many people start making lists of things their ex did or said, of their worst qualities, and plotting intricate forms of revenge.

None of this will help if you take it too far. Then again, chatting to friends in solidarity and criticizing your ex can help. Just stay realistic. In time, you and your ex may be friends again. Burning your bridges could be a tragedy.

See the World, Expand Your Horizons and Shrink Your Worries

Above all else, when you are plunged into an abyss of post break-up despair, you need to gain some perspective. The worst pitfall is to shrink the world so that all you can perceive are your emotions. It’s far better to throw yourself into life.

group of friends backpacking
Embrace other activities, keep an active social life and rebound sensibly.

Book some tickets to a place you’ve always wanted to go. Buy a backpack, get a travel guide and disappear into another culture. You’ll find wonderful people, good times, but most of all, you’ll discover your ability to enjoy life. They say attack is the best form of defence and nowhere does this apply more than in dealing with heartbreak.

It’s Not Hard to Limit the Damage from a Shattered Heart

Heartbreak is universal. Hardly anyone passes through life unscathed. But there’s a right and a wrong way to respond when despair comes to call. If you reach out to friends, embrace other activities, keep an active social life, rebound sensibly, resist the urge for revenge, take the chance to travel and let time do its work, you’ll soon be back in the arms of someone who loves you.

Related reads

Image sources: (1) Photo_Ma | (2) Monkey Business | (3) oneinchpunch |