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Men vs Women: How many dates before sex

Is it just men who secretly ask themselves before every first date when women are actually ready to go to bed with them?

naked couple being intimate in bed
Do it right since the beginning to have the best first time sex.

Is there a written rule that states how many dates a woman has to have until she gives herself to her latest conquest? Or is this concept ancient history? Do girls also take the change to jump into bed on the first date? A British study in 2015 tried to find the answers to these questions. Around 2,200 men and women were surveyed.

Women vs Men

According to a study by the British sex toy merchant Lovehoney, as is so often the case in life, there were clear differences in these issues between men and women. According to the study, one in four men would have no objection to sex on the first date.

However, only 15% think that a first date could end in sex. 13 percent of women consider sex on the second date a possibility, the rest prefer to have a few more dates before getting underneath the sheets with a new man. One in three women make a man wait 3 weeks on average, or at least until the 5th date, before having sex for the first time.

The survey Lovegeist 2015, which involved over 9,000 singles across Europe, also produced similar results. Here, 31 percent of men and 15 per cent of women in Germany stated that sex on a first date was conceivable. In this country, on average, men wait 2.9 meetings and women wait 3.4 meetings.

These numbers are not very far apart. But the attitudes and assumptions that are behind it are very different. Half of the men in the survey were of the opinion that sex on the first or second date makes the relationship with the new conquest possible, or stronger.

Women see it differently: One in four women fears that a man would lose interest in, or respect for, her, if she had sex with him on the first date. But:: When it comes to a kiss, nobody can deny that the two sexes are at one. At least 72 percent of the women and men give at least a farewell kiss on a first date.

Are there cultural differences?

shoes, dress and a glass of wine empty lying on the stairs
Each person needs to decide when and where.

There are clearly cultural differences in how long women wait until going to bed with a man:

In the meantime, not least thanks to countless films and series, the notorious American dating rules still apply. They say that a kiss on a first date is okay and the kiss on the second date can be more passionate - some say that, otherwise, there is no third date.

Incidentally: The third is the magical date, because after this one, men and women have to have sex with each other, otherwise the date is the last one, so they say. Going to bed with someone does not necessarily mean that you are an exclusive relationship.

You can only talk about such a relationship if such exclusivity has expressly been agreed. In Europe, such strict “rules” do not really exist. The data, however, varies a little between different countries as to when it is usual to go to bed with a new man or a new woman, but on average 28 percent of European singles think that there is nothing wrong about going to bed with someone on the first date.

For 27 percent, three dates are required before sex and 16 percent prefer to have four to five dates beforehand. A quarter do not want sex until they have met someone five times or more. Whoever counts the dates before sex is also shown by when someone gets contraception, for example, when they take condoms with them on a date.

Here, there are also small cultural differences - according to the study, the French are riding on top. This is also particularly the case for men, of which 47 percent said they take condoms with them on dates. For women, however, it was only 20 percent.

It’s okay to have sex on the first date!

Regardless of all media reports, surveys and studies: At the end of the day, each person decided for themselves when and with whom they want to have sex. And it really doesn’t matter if it is on the first date, the fifth date or the eleventh date, the main thing that it is the right time for you!

In addition, there are enough reasons, even on a first date, to turn common desire and arousal into action.

Quite honestly: Why should couples deny themselves something that they both like? If the chemistry is right and you are having fun together, there is no reason to put sex off. And having fun while having sex is important for a future relationship.

Only those who are also physically / sexually compatible have the best chances of having sex in a satisfactory relationship. And finally, good sex is actually proven to strengthen the bond between two people, as scientific studies show.

When does it become serious?

After a few dates (with or without sex), a serious relationship can slowly arise from non-committal dates. But even here, according to the British study, there are differences between men and women: Men tend to make it public that they are now in a relationship much earlier.

They quickly update your relationship status on Facebook and introduce their new girlfriend to friends and family - at the latest after the eighth date. After about one month, according to the study, he expresses his feelings in the three famous words.

couple hidden under the bed sheets
Good sex is actually proven to strengthen the bond in a relationship.

Women, in contrast, are slightly more cautious overall. According to the results of the study, a(public or private) confession of love of any kind might even take four months.

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Image sources: Image1 | Image2 segenvitaly | Image3 Olesya Shelomova |